in relation to what of your recent post dedicated
to your parents
i love that
cost
you mentioned something along
the
lines of treating
your parents with
if
sin as the beer minimum what are
we
do if caring for a palatine parent feels
like
it's never good
enough despite the reality will never be able to repeat it yet
as a really
a thank you for your question tire asia really really important question
it and if
i don't
get
to answer any
other question i think this is
it this is valuable enough to
kind of dig
into
a lot
of people
come up to me
with questions about their parents had i didn't put
this in my
post i put it i put him my post what
i appreciate about my parents
what i love about them
and how blessed i
am to have them but they
are lots
of people guys that
come up to me
and they
tell me
about
terrible experiences with
their parents
i mean
i have
been witness to parents
that have been at minimum
psychologically abusive for believe uses i've heard about parents that are
physically abusive
sexually abusive
i i've seen all
kinds of things
and
it's hard
to even
hear sometimes at parents can do that and
first in no if i
was to marito
write something like that that would put a
sour taste in everybody's
val as i as they
read
it but i do
want to
say for parents
like that that are abusive
you know you should be ashamed of yourselves
a large gave you
an honor greater
than
so many of their
creations on this earth and he only gave
you that honor
because you take care of your
children you raise
them at an as
come
out of banished insured my
growth so your part was
as
a parent you insured
that they grow well
that they're taken care of that
there needs are provided for
the deprecative that they're safe
when you took that
safety away from them when you took your dignity away
from them when you humiliated them
when you abuse
them when you
had them when you
when you
had these things
to them that put them down then made them feel
me them
felworth
less than you have
taken this huge honour that a log ave
you and you have
abused
it and you've mutilated it that's her crying as a
grand grand
crime and let
him in talking to
the kids
i'm talking to
those
parents that
that's at something you
i don't know how you answer allah and
then on top of doing all of those crimes you have the
audacity to turn
to
those kids that you abuse
and then say you better be good to me as
a lesser will be lady
the head that is not how that works that is not how
that works we have to be an ungenial
dig into that you because
that expression
is really important if son means to do
your
very very best
please
lessen to this carefully assisted
important concept that
is not
very
commonly
talked about if
you have for example somebody
came to me
to
the
inside have divorced
parents
okay so mamma
dad live into
different houses she
is the
only daughter it when
i
was spending
time with mom i feel bad
because i feel
like i'm abandoning dad
when i'm with dad i
feel bad that i'm not
with mom lammam feel guilty when
i
would die dad
makes me feel guilty
without with mom and
i'm
cornubiensis to be
the best to
your parents how
am i
supposed to achieve this balance
listen take
a step back and understand something
the word
is sound means the
very
best that
you can
do
the very best
that you can do in that situation when you identify dad these
are the times
that i'm going to spend
with you and that's
the best i
can
do momerie time that
i can give you
because i have
work i have school have
other responsibilities here's like
an give you
this
is the best that i can do even
after that when
they're giving you
guilt
trips and king you feel
like your worthless and all that if you
can turn
to a
line save this of
the best that i can
do you lady
know
you know that that's the
best that i can do the
nats fine in the
one case
when a pair
is extremely abusive
and e
just being in their companies
harming you it's literally harming
you physically emotionally
in some other ways harming you then being away
from them and
keeping
a safe distance from
them
is the best that you can do
there's nothing
better that
you can do so
if sanitary relative
to
each situation below did not put one standard
on all of us for what
we can do
for our parents
there are some you know
sometimes
people don't understand
that in every
relationship even in
the parental relationship there are
the
boundaries there are some
things that you know if
you don't draw a line people will keep taking
more more from
you like
if
you have for example if you have friends that make fun of you and you
never say anything
then
they'll insult
you more than extent more than
more than more
you
give you never drew
a
line the same way
with your parents sometimes they
ask for your
time they say
he i need your
help then
you go an
help no no
i want you to
do this now
wuntoo
this now what you
do this and you said that
i have to get to work
or mamma have
to get to school or i
have the assignment
to finish or
i
have this or i
have
that no tautira
what you do
in a listen to your
parents
will be what
he tennyson you
know and then you
shut
up and you shall
do what they told
you
and then you'll be
developing
resentment towards them eventually you're
goin
to burn
out you're
going to disrespect them
you're
going to stop
talking to
them crazy things
are going
to
happen how do
you
avoid all of that
take
a step back and say
bob
i
want to
help
this
is the day that
i can help
you this is how much time
i
can give
you for help
and
i cannot do any more
anyway she complains
and cries and says you're the
worst daughter
ever the worst some
ever in the
universe
is okay you drew
a
line and once
you stick with
that
line then the next time that line will
leave it respected in the beginning
it will feel
like torture but
then they will learn to respect that line
that you respectfully drawn
you haven't on an abuse of
line you have drawn a reasonable line and that has
to happen in every relationship
with your kids will you parents with your spouse with your friends what work any
relationship it's important to draw boundaries and respectfully drawheads
but vida once you draw a
line you say
hey ma'am it's you know i
want
to help but i don't like when you say to
these these things are very hurtful don't
say them and
if you say
them that
i'm going
to leave but then she
says them and
you don't leave
you know what you've done you
better not cross
this line or
else
then they
cross that
line
then you cut
draw
new lines a hat kayites
new light
you better not
cross
this on or else
and then
the cross that
one you know
what you're teaching them
there is no line
there is no boundary
this is a
really serious problem any of us
have
in all of our relationships
that we don't know how
to draw a line
and
that has to happen even
with our
parents respectfully with the
best possible intention
with
the most loving caring words
i with the
most consideration but this has to
happen otherwise you'll
just end up
in miserable relationships not
just what your parents in every relationship or
going to be
miserable melicerte you from that